A Dream within a Dream
by: Edgar Allen Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

From Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe, 1849

For some reason I am both drawn to, and depressed by, this song.  I believe it to be one of the most powerful songs ever written.  It is "What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life" (lyrics by Alan Bergman and Marilyn Bergman; music by Michel Legrand).  This song says at once everything that is right, and everything that is wrong, with life.

What are you doing the rest of your life?
North and South and East and West of your life?
I have only one request of your life
That you spend it all with me.
All the seasons and the times of your days.
All the nickels and the dimes of your days.
Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days.
All begin and end with me.
I want to see your face,
In every kind of light,
In fields of gold and
Forests of the night;
And when you stand before
The candles on a cake.
Oh let me be the one to hear
The silent wish you make.
Those tomorrows waiting deep in your eyes
In the world of love you keep in your eyes,
I'll awaken what's asleep in your eyes,
It may take a kiss or two..
Through all of my life..
Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall of my life,
All I ever will recall of my life
Is all of my life with you.

Being in recovery is quite a trip sometimes.  Once one has significant clean time, one can truly become a new person -- a very different person.  One approaches life and relationships in ways they never have before.  One's thinking is markedly different.  All for the better, I might add.

Yet, for people who were in the recovering person's life back when they were still in their addiction, they still see that person (at least in part) as their former self.  They knew how to relate to the addict; they haven't gotten to know the new person in recovery yet.  They think they know this person, but they don't.  When they look at this new person, they still see the person who no longer is.

Folks in recovery are aware of this phenomenon.  When encountering this issue amongst former acquaintances and loved ones, the recovering person is urged to "tell them to 'make like Heinz and catch up.'"  It may take months, even years, for loved ones to accept the changes in the recovering person.  It takes a while to truly believe that this is no longer the person they once knew.

However, I have noticed a similar problem: the reverse is also true.  For some people in recovery, including myself, it is difficult to remember that the people from our past haven't changed.  We have changed so much; we assume that others have, too.  But they haven't.  The recovering person forgets that those other people don't speak their language.  We expect them to, but they don't.

How do we reestablish trust and communication between the recovering person and those who were once a part of their lives?  Honesty, openmindedness and willingness are key.  Neither side can expect the other to operate under the rules that may have worked in the past.  Both sides must accept that nothing about the relationship can be taken for granted.  Nothing can be assumed; even the littlest things must be discussed, or else, misunderstandings and hurt will result.  With open, honest and loving discussion, and with time, these things can be -- and are -- overcome.

I know.  I've experienced several shining successes in this, and unfortunately, a failure or two as well.  I've found that both sides must deep-down accept a change from their own personal status quo.  This is hard, it's uncomfortable; it's not for the lazy.  But it's the only way to create a new and far better relationship.

Last night was one of those nights when my mind never slowed down.  Somehow it struck me how atypical it had been for me to put up with the drama that Heather brought into my life.  That's not like me.  Why did I do it?  Even after pondering it all night I'm still not sure.

• Perhaps I put up with her drama because it showed how much she needed me.
• Maybe I knew how dysfunctional she was and simply tolerated it for that reason.
• Could all her cries for help have showed me that, for the first time in her too-brief life, she trusted someone, and that someone was me.
• Maybe I just loved her.
• Perhaps I thought that each crisis she got herself into would be the last.
• It might have been that her drama was just one little piece of her, and I accepted all of her, drama and all.
• Maybe there wasn't as much drama as I now remember there to have been, four and a half years after she entered +Life.

One thing is for sure.  A lot of the drama was manufactured.  That is, it was unnecessary or contrived.  She was giving me opportunities to be her knight in shining armour.

A Better Resurrection

I have no wit, I have no words, no tears;
My heart within me like a stone
Is numbed too much for hopes or fears;
Look right, look left, I dwell alone;
I lift mine eyes, but dimmed with grief
No everlasting hills I see;
My life is like the falling leaf;
O Jesus, quicken me.

This brightened even my day; it's sure to bring a smile to anyone's face.

Well, here I am again, at work.  My three-day holiday weekend turned into just three more work days, and I have no one to blame but myself. 

My counselor is working with me to limit my new addiction, which is workaholism.  Not going as well as he'd like it to, it seems.  And I'm all jacked up on caffeine from coffee and Diet Dr Pepper.

What did I give up to feed this addiction?  Well, Janiusz and I had been planning to go downtown to Hart Plaza for the Detroit International Jazz Festival.  Haven't made it yet.  But I did manage to get over to The Little Fella's place for a cookout. 

It's not that I'm so ambitious that I just HAVE to work.  I think it's just another way of avoiding -- avoiding boredom, etc.  If I keep busy at work I don't have to think about other things.  Like how much life sucks.

If I do manage to get out of here this afternoon, maybe I'll catch a band or two.  Wish me luck.

"It has been my experience that one cannot, in any shape or form, depend on human relations for lasting reward. It is only work that truly satisfies."
     -- Bette Davis (1908 - 1989), The Lonely Life, 1962

As for that Facebook thing (q.v.), well ... it's a trip, that's for sure.  It's rather like real-time gang-blogging. 

Try this link to reach my Facebook page.

Inevitable, it was.  For alas! I have succumbed to the spirit of the age and have taken unto myself a Facebook account. 

Seriously, I'm not sure how to link to my profile here, but if you go to the Facebook site and look hard enough for it, I suppose you will find it.  At any rate, for what it's worth ... I add this new Facebook account to my MySpace and YouTube accounts (links at left).  Yahoo 360, being now defunct, is a dead link.